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Just something I found in my journal from a few months ago & I edited it a bit but I'm not sure if I should keep it or not. Opinions? Thanks.
Malnourished down to the bone
Drained blue eyes
Small cries and a moan
Frame you more than the fluttering hungry flies
An innocent look,
A pale of water, and a slab of bread
We glance at it in our boring text book,
Just another one dead
Bones about to collapse
Your heart stops, just another relapse
The workers stop their inane talk
One sighs, looks over, and begins the usual walk
Dusk brushes over you to set you back
The colors of the sky all blend together
But eventually all fade to black
You are as light as a feather
The trees are like the strings on your old guitars,
As the wind passes through them,
You swivel out of your body and are carried up to the stars
You are luminous to the whole sky like big a gem.
The poem itself is cute really. I used to write poems too, but not in english.
It has always been a problem to make a good number of syllables. For example i edited one part to be more balanced.
Bones are giving up on this,
Your heart stops, again, an eclipse.
The workers stop their inane talks
One sighs, looks over, begins the routine walk.
Otherwise it was very nice. Expressing skills right there
Whats On My YouTube Today?
Daniel Glen Timms - Luminous Sky - watch music videos acoustic guitar astronomy stars sky folk rock
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March 17th, 2011 | 
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